Hey Bro, have you seen my Bronco Pump?

I’m only asking because I think you were the last to see it.

By Andrew Pridgen

…Actually, that’s not totally true. We were the last to use it.

It went something like this: We were hanging out playing Mario Kart and you were like, “This game’s racist because the whole cart with a ‘k’ thing…and we should go get a keg.” And I said, “Keg with a ‘c’?”

And like 10 minutes of silence passed and I went and took a dump and was thinking that instead of listening to you complain all day about how hot chicks don’t like you as much as not-hot chicks do and why is that because you’re the same you—that we should get a keg.

And I came back and said, “Did you say we should get a keg?” and you were like (I don’t remember what you were like but next thing I…