This is not the El Niño you are looking for

Sorry bro, that Super El Niño you’re waiting on is just a result of you fucking up the planet/turning the ocean into a hot tub. Signed, every dying fish everywhere.

By Andrew Pridgen

Guess fucking what?

The oceans are getting warmer ALL THE FUCK OVER.

And guess who did that?

We did. (<–I blame myself actually. I blame myself for driving a SUV and enjoying all those all-you-can-eat sushi meals during Costco runs to Reno. I don’t know how that’s all related to the ocean getting perma-sweaty, but it is. Trust me. It’s all my fault. And I am sorry.)

And guess what that means?

2015-’16 will be the hottest year(s) on record.

And guess what doesn’t happen much in the West during the hottest year(s) on record?

Snow!

Sorry bruh.

Here’s your reset: You know how a warmer Pacific in the summer maaaaaaaayybe used to be an indicator that…