A Rod denies any ties to Mafia or Cosa Nostra in statement released after season-long suspension

Saturday, the New York Yankees lost services of their .244-hitting third baseman Alex Rodriguez who has been suspended for the entire 2014 season by arbitrator Fredric Horowitz. Horowitz, after levying punishment, mentioned to A Rod he knows a jeweler who will take anything off his hands at a fair price.

The soon-to-be-39-year-old infielder will serve a 162-game ban for his involvement in Major League Baseball’s Biogenesis scandal.

Note to all MLB players: if the substance you’re taking sounds like it came from an unexplored system from Wrath of Khan, it’s probably a worse than idea for your body than grabbing a bag of Cinnastix® before your connector flight.

Biogenesis is a Coral Gables-based anti-aging clinic and the only Florida-based establishment without a stage and a pole that made A-Rod feel like he was in his 20s again. Baseball insiders* note that A-Rod, who has already had two more hip…